buzzing in my knees

i see the stars, they float, they flicker through the trees...

the traffic swells like the ocean, so at ease.

and i know this. this, wonder for my need.

this growing, growing hope for utter peace...

when windows they slide shut, doors slam close and freeze.

it seals me from the bluster and the breeze.

and i know this. this aching in my knees.

this buzzing, this buzzing that causes me to run... till i'm free

tar the roads

if by chance you have broken my window and stolen my things

then may God bless you. while i curse you. and try not to.

if you're the one who begs me for money in parking lots at night.

may God have mercy on you. and teach me to.

it's too much to have you picking my pockets

while i sweep up broken glass.

i want to punch you between the eyes.

and let you use your lying money

to fix the damage i could do to your nose.

because i sweat. to sleep in a basement.

i have been loaned. to learn what i couldn't otherwise.

i eat one meal a day because i can't afford more.

we should use you to tar the roads and fill potholes.

i am going to sleep well tonight. and i pity you. i am sorry.

because i know things could be worse. but you don't even know better.

both eyes wide.

I have never felt like a visitor in my own home,

nor as lonely in my hometown. until now.

It was never too hard leaving my family for an adventure,

never did it evoke a tear. until now.

I have become an individual for better or worse,

it makes me lonely. I miss home.

I miss the Pennsylvania creeks. the intense green of summer.

I miss knowing my family in the everyday details.

But I realize now that it is not solved by my return.

It makes me feel a bit like a stranger.

I am a different person visiting home environs.

So much of my history is carved in the dirt here.

Though now wheels have been lashed to my feet. and i roll on.

without brakes. over dirt that has hardened.

on toward what is uncertain and inconsistent.

my brakes are my bare hands, knees, and elbows.

no longer is a helmet provided.

I realize that I am the driver praying for traveling mercies,

both eyes wide.