phoenix is a mosaic

i flew over phoenix today. i noticed the houses. the designer neighborhoods, curvy, arching, or spiraling streets, which are distinct to the particular development. each community of cookie cutter houses with with their own shade of roof color. suburbia pieced together by swirling arrangements of squares, like an abstract mosaic framed in desert mountains.

throw ice on the streets to watch it shatter

soon i go home for christmas. its been two years since i've been home for christmas. the older i get the more disinterested i get in our nations most elaborate holiday. its the one time of the year i don't feel very much like a kid. every other day of the year i operate with a very child-like fascination for life. i count down hours till volleyball practice and fishing trips. i stop and look at icicles and throw ice chunks out on the road to watch them shatter. i day dream a lot.

somehow christmas makes me snap out of it. and im not sure why. it seems opposite for most people. at this time of year it seems many take a break from their mature lifestyles to engage childhood traditions. i wonder if it is because since entering college i have never had any surplus cash to buy the gifts that i really wanted to get my family. but is it really a lack of money? children don't mind doing their shopping at the dollar store. i wonder if it has anything to do with the disconnect i feel with the church. but then again most americans don't emphasize the Jesus part of christmas anyway.

so what is it? i wonder. what has caused me to grow up at this time of year and find christmas stale? what has caused me to lose my fascination for religious and pagan tradition? i don't know. but i get to see my family. and i can't wait.

growing dim

you moved your glass to the top shelf

stomach your dinner and disguise the smell

hand me plastic wish me well

offer me your flip flops for my trek to hell

you broke my last few ribs

the ones that keep my skin from caving in

you feed the darkness in my head

the monsters that I tamed you now have bred

now they are wilder than before

and more blood thirsty than their parents were

the lowest thunder is our growl

I begin to stomp my feet and howl

I'm an animal but to no avail

and though I try to love, I always fail

while my hair is fierce my instinct is trim

the hopes I hide are growing dim

I've wandered to far to the west

too close to the setting sun tends to depress

you should feel the choking in my chest

the knotting in my veins may soon be my rest

give me the vision or a healthy bail

this faith seems like an escape for the ill-prepared

and now I'm wilder than before

though no more lost than my parents were

the smoke i breath is foul

I begin to stomp my feet and howl

I'm an animal but to no avail

though I try to love I always fail

while my hair if fierce my instinct is trim

and the hopes I hide are growing dim

the hopes I hide are growing dim